Five years ago today, The Beckoning Shadow released into the world.
I went from “writer” to “published author”. Launch party with people who made me feel so loved, stock signings, a Kirkus Star, blurbs, a cake with my cover on it…
✨and!✨
Dozens of empty seats at a reading. Going into a bookstore excited and feeling mortified as I realized they didn’t carry the book. My publisher saying we need to “hold steady” and wait to see my sales numbers before they’ll give me another deal (ooof). Getting invited to a a book festival in Texas but having to pay my own way there because there was no publicity budget room to get me a plane ticket. Realizing that my life looked the same pre-book as it did post-book and being mad, confused, embarrassed.
That book didn’t smash records. It didn’t get optioned. But I wrote panic attacks like I never had. I fell in love with Vesper and Sam and Aldrick and Sapphira and wrote some batshit stuff that made people happy.
That season showed me the joy in connecting with readers and made me so thankful for every email and DM. It checked my ego. It reminded me that the joy is the work, because the results are never up to you.
So happy five years to failing. Happy five years to things not going as I hoped. Happy five years to reaching the top of a mountain and realizing there are dozens more behind it I couldn’t see from the ground.
Happy five years to learning to wipe blood off my mouth and stand back up, because it was a move I was gonna have to perfect.
Happy five years to the book that changed me in ways I didn’t see coming. ✨
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